The gift of support

Today I worked in day 4 of the Beth Moore study: the gift of support. I was so encouraged by this lesson and how Beth emphasizes that spiritual victories are sweetest when they are shared with others who've prayed and helped along the way. I had to chuckle when I pictured Moses, Aaron and Hur in this verse Exodus 17:11-12 "As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning but whenever he lowered his hands the Amalekites were winning. When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up -one on one side, one on the other - so that his hands remained steady till sunset."

How funny it must have seemed with these men 2 of them holding his hands up.  It makes me think of a commercial for deodorant. 

So I wanted to share a victory with you all too. For those who don't know yet I am expecting our second baby. Every day since I've found out the news I've been so grateful for the journey I've been on over the last year that has brought me here. When I went through the miscarriage last summer God brought many of you to me as my support, sharing similar stories of loss. And as I waited on Him impatiently for this blessing now I also had the many prayers and support to get me through the waiting. I struggled with bitterness and anger with God over the situation and not understanding why I was where I was. Then finally one day I repented of my anger with Him and received a true peace that I know came from Him. 

I am still in the early stages - about 7 weeks now and the fear of miscarriage lingers. However I have had such a peace about it that I don't worry about it. I know that God had been working on me the last year so I can completely trust this into His hands. And that to me, is such a great spiritual victory that gives glory to Him. Thanks for all your prayers, they did avail much!

Joseph's windfall

Today I read Genesis 40 & 41, story about Joseph and his interpretation of dreams for the cupbearer and baker. I thought it was neat that when they asked him to interpret their dreams he answered “Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell me your dreams.” (very much like Daniel's responses when asked to interpret dreams). 

And he requested that he remember him when the Pharaoh removes him from the dungeon and puts him back in his position, but of course the cupbearer forgot....for 2 years. I wonder if Joseph was really counting on this light at the end of the tunnel. How disappointing that must have been for Joseph, but how quickly God works and turns a whole situation around in His timing. Joseph had to wait for a while to get out of that prison but all of a sudden one day he's out and made ruler over Egypt. Talk about a windfall! I enjoy stories about God working out all circumstances to be good. 

Bearing fruit supernaturally

Continuing on from yesterday's verse (John 15:5) "if a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit." This verse took on a deeper meaning for me today as I studied the lampstand in the tabernacle. Beth Moore draws the parallel of the oil in lampstand that fuels the fire to Jesus sending the Holy Spirit to fill our light. Matt 5:14. As she goes on to describe how when we are filled with the Holy Spirit we produce the fruit of the spirit supernaturally. There's nothing we have to or can do to produce this fruit on our own. We just have to ask God to purify us and make us a vessel fit for His presence. It is good for me to realize those attributes, particularly the ones I struggle with, come ultimately from Him.

Doubting to a deeper faith

God spoke to me this weekend through Pastor Graham's message, regarding doubt. He says "doubt can be a doorway to deeper faith." Hmmm. I never looked at doubt that way. I always thought, doubting is bad...gotta find a way to stop doubting, somehow. But it dawned on me as I reflect on my struggles over the last several months. How God was using that doubt to deepen my faith. It is amazing to look back at God's work on your life and realize how He turned a difficult and painful thing into something that carries me forward. I may encounter even more troubling times ahead and I would only be able to endure it through faith, one step at a time. 

Pastor also challenged us to exercise our faith. I've heard this before but always wondered how to apply it practically. He gave some examples in giving, or serving. And I realized that as I've reached out in faith to serve by teaching in Nathan's preschool class, I've suddenly come to enjoy it. I look forward to teaching and seeing those little faces every other week. It's just amazing how God turns things around when I keep saying to Him "No I can't do it." 

You can imagine my delight as I read: "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

Great is Thy Faithfulness

I love hymns. Don't get me wrong I love the new and latest worship songs as well, they're so filled with passion and provide a very worshipful experience. But something about the majesty of hymns seem to give God that glory He deserves. And I can manage to sing hymns without shedding a tear because it doesn't become overly emotional. :)

One hymn I have been humming over the last couple of days is "Great is Thy Faithfulness"

Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me

Psalm 86:15 says But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Sometimes I am just floored by God's faithfulness to us, to me, and to His people. I am glad that His faithfulness is not something I just feel, but I can count on, and hold on to as a promise. He is always faithful even when we are not.

There is none more beautiful

I would definitely rejoice to see those flowers bloom. How we wish to see the seeds of faith we sow in our children grow! Even the seeds of faith we sow in our own lives personally I long to see the fruits of that and hear my Lord Jesus say one day, well done good and faithful servant!

I was encouraged by this today in my bible study. 2 Cor. 7:10 "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." Beth Moore outlines how we can know true repentance, not by blithely asking God to forgive my sin (which I do all the time!) but to ask Him to give us a godly sorrow for our sin. That was quite an A-ha! moment. Often with my sin, I convince myself that I should hold onto it, just in case my circumstances don't change. But that makes no sense to God. He wants us to let it go, give it to Him. When I finally picture myself in God's shoes then I realize and have sorrow for that sin.

Also, as spring abounds around us, I am excited for the wonder it brings, blooming flowers, animals, nice weather, Easter activities. But something in my heart always reminds me that Easter, with all its pastel colored eggs and fuzzy bunnies is about the cross of Christ. That sorrow that all the world's sin was brought upon this one man, Jesus Christ. But how sweet that salvation is when we bring forth that repentance.

On a side note, I thank you for your prayers, ever since Thursday I have felt a definite peace that I know comes from the Lord. I can't explain how I got it, I just feel peace in my heart.

Thankful Thursday

Today I did my homework for the Beth Moore study. She wrote about the procedure of the OT sacrifices; how the person offering the sacrifice had to place one hand on the head of the animal and the other to slaughter it. It's so sad to think that your sin would cause this innocent animal to die. I just can't imagine taking the life of this poor animal and being right there to witness the life go out of it. 

Needless to say I am so thankful that Jesus died for us so we would have to be doing those sacrifices today!

Faith scale

In the last month and a half I have been exercising and trying to get back into "shape." I've been trying to eat more healthy, and ultimately in my mind - lose those last 10 pounds to get back into pre-pregnancy weight (from 3 years ago!!). I have been doing pretty good (falling off the wagon only on the weekends) but the scale has barely budged. I wonder if all my efforts have been in vain. The numbers are not telling me good news. However, I know something is working because some of my clothes are fitting better and I feel physically stronger and more fit. 

In the same way I wonder that about my faith. All my efforts to get close to God, study His word, pray, memorize Scripture - does it amount to anything? Am I getting anywhere? Because I'm certain that if there was a "faith scale" I would not be showing up as Ding Ding Ding - you are a Paul!! However, I know something inside is changing, my faith is deepening every day as I learn to let go of the things that weigh me down but love to hold on to (anger and bitterness)  and strive to trust and believe in my good God. 

I read this in my devotional today from Chuck Swindoll. He writes:  "And as we cast the heavy weight of anxiety on You, we will trust You to give us instead a peace that surpasses understanding and a confidence that You are at work—even though we remain in the same circumstances."

I am so glad that even though I cannot see the changes, God can.

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6"

Surrendering my thoughts to Christ

God has been really trying to tell me a message all during this weekend and today in my bible study. I have been so convicted of how God is telling me to put all of my focus on Him. On Saturday we had a great evening with some friends and one thing that stuck in my mind from the conversation, was "who am I living for, my kingdom or His?" That was convicting because often times I think I am doing all the right spiritual things, prayer, bible study, walking with God but there are these other areas in my life where I want to call the shots. In some ways I am looking at God like a genie in a bottle, saying grant my wishes please!! Sunday's sermon really spoke to me too when Jarrett Stephens spoke on choosing peace over worry. He said, self is magnified, God is minimized and worry will ensue. What happens when things don't work out the way I want them to? Well, I worry. So convicting. In today's homework, Beth Moore writes "My own flesh is twice the enemy to me that Satan is." This all hit it home for me, to know that I can't blame my own pride and unbelief on Satan. I am encouraged with 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 ³ For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴ The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

I can take a step toward victory by surrendering my thoughts (and worries) to Christ.

Bowl baby bowl

Nathan went bowling for the first time this past Sunday. We met up with friends at Main Event in Lewisville. Nathan and his partner-in-crime buddy Emma had such a blast rolling the ball, bumpers and bowling bracket and all. I was surprised Nathan had no trouble lugging a 6 pound ball and pushing it off the bowling rack down the lane. It was a lot of fun for us adults too...I haven't gone bowling for years!

Some pics of the fun...

Nathan and Emma are all smiles

 Dad helping me on the bowling rack

Puddle jumping

We had a little bit of rainy day fun today. Since this is the first season Nathan actually owns a pair of rainboots, I thought, why not let him put them to good use? So off we went, puddle jumping through the neighborhood.

First puddles on the side of the road from our alley

We found the biggest puddles at the basketball court in our neighborhood

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God's timeline

Today I read Mark 13:1-13. All men will hate you because of me but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.
I thought about the. Israelites and how they lamented that Moses was delayed in returning to them from the mountain but God thought it was quick. Oh how our timeline and idea of time to God is so different. I am encouraged to stand firm to the end knowing that however long it may seem to me, it's probably a drop in the bucket for God.  It is also good to know that He provides that comfort for us when we are waiting so that we are not tempted.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for so much. I am thankful that God brought us here to Texas from California 2 years ago. For the new friends and community He has provided through our church. For this group of godly women who inspire me and encourage me and lift me up when I am a mess. I'm thankful that God has been faithful to Kenny's prayer in not allowing him to be without a job. Thankful for the opportunity to stay home and be the best wife and mother I can be. Thankful for a wonderful, sweet and witty little boy who makes me laugh with all his jokes and sayings. I'm thankful for my supportive husband who loves me unconditionally. Most of all I am thankful for our Lord Jesus Christ who is always faithful to the very end.

I feel like I just wrote a winning speech for the Oscars :)

Bezalel - God's name was enough for him

I was catching up on our bible study and Bezalel's name jumped out at me.

Exodus 31: 1-5  ¹ Then the LORD said to Moses, ² “See, I have chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, ³ and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills— ⁴ to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, ⁵ to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of crafts. 

Beth Moore tells us his name means "in the shadow of God." God's name was enough for him. Oh how I pray that God's name and who He is would be enough for me. To find my identity wrapped up in all that God is, to have Him as the image that people see when they look at me, that is such an ideal. 

On a different note, I've picked my verse to memorize for the week: Mark 12:30 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." 

I was really struck by one of the ideas from this weekend, about God's power made perfect in our weakness.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

I just pray that I can learn how to be weak in the Lord so that He can do the mighty things through me. Learning to yield to His will and purpose instead of "self" is incredibly difficult, considering our sinful nature and constant focus on self. This week and even during the weekend I struggled with physical weakness, succumbing to a cold and cough made me aware of my hopeless physical state without the power of Jesus in me. When I can just rest in Him and not worry about what I am not getting done, I know that is more important.